Coping with the loss of a cat: When it hurts to remember, this can help
Grieving the loss of a cat can be heart-wrenching. When it hurts even to think about them, there are gentle steps that can help you cope—and start remembering your feline friend with more peace than pain.
In Soul Comfort for Cat Lovers, I talked about how happy I was that I made a scrapbook of memories of my soul cat after she passed. BUT, when a loss still feels traumatic, I’ve learned to approach this idea a little differently.
I’m going to share a process that really helped me after we lost two beloved cats (Phil and Joel) in too quick succession—each from a different medical mystery. I struggled with this huge loss. How were we not able to give them at least 16 – 20+ good years? It was heavy and hard to process.
If you find it hard to even look at photos of a cat you miss, I get it. It was hard for me, too, until I took a few steps that made a big difference for me.
STEP 1: Emotional First Aid—a Breathing Practice for Cat Grief
At first, whenever I thought of Phil or Joel, my thoughts went to distressing end-of-life memories.
If you’re struggling because difficult memories are coming up, here’s what helped me:
- SHIFT to the FEELING. When a painful memory or thought came up, I shifted my focus to the feeling, like fear or sadness, rather than lingering on stressful memories.
- INHALE LIGHT INTO IT. Focusing on where I most felt the feeling in my body, I took a deep inhale and imagined breathing light into that area. (Usually my chest or solar plexus.)
- EXHALE the PAIN. With a long exhale, I imagined breathing the painful feeling out.
- REPEAT. I repeated the inhale-exhale visualization a couple more times and as needed.
This practice created some emergency calm and helped me begin to unlink thoughts of my beloved cats from painful thoughts or memories.
STEP 2: Creating a Gratitude List for Your Cat
I still needed something more to help me relink thoughts of Phil and Joel to positive associations. That led me to think, “Hey, how about a list of things I feel really grateful to them for?”
So I typed up a couple of feline Gratitude Lists. How? I just started writing whatever came to mind. My advice is don’t wait for inspiration. Just start jotting down quirks, qualities, and experiences you will always appreciate about them. The act of doing this tends to trigger more ideas for your list!
Examples from my Joel gratitude list
- Showing us how a cat with a disability can be 200% lovable, adorable, wild, and agile.
- How often you made us laugh with your antics and enthusiastic running, squeal-like meowing, playing, and purring.
- Your constant shows of affection. How you could snuggle in closer than any cat I’ve ever met.
Examples from my Phil gratitude list
- Your rascally playfulness, including sneaking things out of visitors’ bags.
- How you always seemed to understand us—from what we were saying to when we needed some extra love.
- You always wanted to be where we were.
Surprisingly, getting down these lists was transformative for me. Yes, there were tears, but good, healthy tears. Also smiles. It opened up an experience that was very healing: the ability to focus on gratitude instead of pain.
STEP 3: Making a Gratitude Book as a Cat Memorial
Now, finally, I was inspired and able to put all my gratitude into something I called (wait for it…) a Gratitude Book.
I have to tell you, it felt SO much better (and more doable) to make this book about gratitude instead of simply about memories.
Here’s what I did to make the book:
- Made a folder of favorite photos of both cats. If I saw a photo that fit with something on my Gratitude List, I copied that in, too. (The photos sparked even more gratitude list ideas.)
- Used a photo-book creation service with simple templates that made it easy to drop in images and text. I used Shutterfly, but I’m sure there are other good options out there.
- Dropped photos into the book—arranged mostly by timeline—and plugged in Gratitude List notes & stories where they fit best.
- Ordered a printed version of the book. (I find it more satisfying to hold it in my hands than view it online.)
How about some pictures to give you a sense of it?
(There are more pages beyond these!)
It makes my heart happy to look at the Gratitude Book. I love it because:
- It was helpful and cathartic to make.
- It helped me keep relinking positive associations to my memory of each beloved cat.
- It’s a tribute to these cherished felines who filled our lives with love, kindness, and silliness.
- It gives me comfort to know that I have saved the best memories so they won’t fade.
I just had to take it step by step.
What do you think?
While this process can’t take away all the grief, I found it a helpful, meaningful way to channel my grief into appreciation for these precious felines and the difference they made in our lives.
Have you tried something like this? Would you like to? Do you have any tips or ideas to add?
Greetings, Liz! Rhiannon here. I somehow missed this email from you until I cleaned my In Box out this weekend…and I want to send you a big hug for sharing your ideas. I’ve lost 5 cats in my lifetime, and instead of getting easier it gets harder….so I’m definitely going to try what you recommend. Thank you so much, and may 2026 bring you peace, health, prosperity, and all the love your heart can hold! :)
Great to hear from you, Rhiannon! These losses really are so hard when we love so very much. I often remind myself that grief is love; it’s sacred work. Thank you for the blessings and virtual hug! I am wishing you a year of BIG blessings and love as well.
Thank you, Liz, for your thoughtful piece on coping with the loss of a cat and your suggestions. I’d like to share what has helped me navigate my own grief.
The loss of my four senior cats, all within a nine-month span three years ago—the same year I lost my mother—was overwhelming. For each of them, I created rituals to honour their passing. In the first year, I kissed their urns every night for 365 days. In the second year, I honoured them monthly on the anniversary of their passing, and in the third year, I reserved these moments for special occasions such as birthdays, holidays, and “gotcha” days. Alongside this, I wrote monthly missives, sharing a meaningful photo or video to remember their amazingly beautiful lives rather than be consumed by sorrow. It has helped me to see the beauty in the 17 plus years we shared together.
My most recent loss, on 17 November 2024, was my endlessly affectionate kitten who had been abandoned. He was my soulmate and sanctuary, a tiny kitten with a boundless spirit. Despite battling a severe congenital disorder, nothing ever held him back. Wherever he went, he moved as if the world had been made just for him. He brought joy to everyone he met—vets, hikers, city-goers alike—leaving hearts touched by his luminous, radiant spirit. When the time came, I chose to bear the pain myself so he would not suffer. This loss has been the most emotionally devastating for me, yet I refuse to let it eclipse the beauty of our time together. He remained joyful until his final breath, and my rituals will continue for him.
I do love your idea of creating a photo book, but the task of choosing from thousands of cherished photos and videos feels overwhelmingly daunting. Your suggestions have been encouraging, and sharing these practices has helped me hold space for both grief and gratitude as well as your book.
Rio, thank you for your thoughtful comment and sharing about the rituals you created to honor your cherished feline friends. Very inspiring. I was sad to hear about 2024 loss of a very special soul kitty, but I really appreciate what you said: “This loss has been the most emotionally devastating for me, yet I refuse to let it eclipse the beauty of our time together.”
This is not for everyone but what always helped me is to adopt another rescue cat. Of course, never to replace a cat that just passed away.I always feel less grief and depression.
Saving a new life to love can be healing.
We’ve been losing beloved cats lately, too. Cats who should have had more time with us, but also had similar “medical mystery” conditions. I finally learned the cause: Taurine deficiency. Although all commercial cat foods have added taurine, it’s never enough due to high-temperature processing which inactivates most of it. The remedy is to add taurine powder (find a good quality one) or ground up raw chicken hearts to their every meal. Since we started doing that, the cats’ health is gradually coming back.
That’s really interesting. It would be great if taurine levels were easily & affordably tested by vets.